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Perfectionism. It can haunt all of us. Spending hours in a mirror fixing your makeup or your hair or your outfit, taking way too much time to find that perfect picture to post on Instagram, and taking even longer to find that perfect caption that will compliment it. Going over something again and again until it has been so microscopically analyzed that we can't see the beauty anymore. Somewhere along the way too many people(me included) have bought into the belief that they have to be the best at everything. Not only is that a lie, but it's impossible. There is no list of boxes you have to perfectly check off to impact others for the cause of Christ. You can absolutely live a life that honors God without being perfect at everything you do.
No one is handing out prizes for being perfect. Only God earns that prize.
If anyone is a perfectionist, it's me. Now there's nothing wrong with holding yourself to a high standard, but it becomes a problem when you obsess over it and when you develop anger and frustration towards yourself for not being good enough. Perfection is nothing less than idolatry. When we try to reach perfection, we try to make ourselves out to be God. But we know that we are not qualified to be God, so we become obsessive about control and about perfection.
For so long, I was a perfectionist because I despised my own failure. I hated the imperfections and the sin in me because I thought I was better than that. I didn’t hate sin because I loved God; I hated sin because I loved myself. I loved my own achievement, my own goodness, my own righteousness. And that's how so many people are today. Striving for perfection, trying to earn their own salvation, their own righteousness. I can remember countless nights of staying up writing essays until I was positive that they were perfect, practicing cheers and dances until they were just muscle memory, and even practicing things I wanted to say to people just to make sure I got the words perfect. Even as I am writing this, I know that I am about to edit and read and re-read countless times before I actually post it. I like to be in control, and in a life where it is impossible to be in control all the time, you can imagine how I struggle.
We live in an age that is ruled by social media. You only see everyone "best". When we see people through this fake lens and through these filters we see their version of "perfect", and then we compare their "perfect" to our "flawed". But in reality, we are all flawed. We are all sinners, and we are all in need of a savior. And I'm preaching to myself when I say that we are not in control of our lives. Only God is. Obsessing over control and perfection is the thief of our joy. Striving for perfection will only leave you disappointed because we are not capable of reaching perfect. Striving for perfection (or even pretending to be perfect) is a way we try to earn our own salvation and takes away our need for Christ. But we do need Him, we need Him more than we know.
I once wanted perfection. Now I want holiness. Rather than a strict control of my outward performance, holiness feels like an act of worship, a desire for my life to be only His. We don't need to be perfect. Christ has already done that for us. Stop trying to be perfect and start trying to be holy.