.png)
It's been so hard for me to write. Yes I've been super busy, yes I haven't really made time for writing, but also every time I try to write I avoid the topic I feel like God is pushing me to talk about. I try to go with something different, and then I lose interest and motivation. So I'm done putting it off, and I'm talking about it now.
This past year I began to struggle a lot with eating. Part of it was a control thing. When things felt out of control I could control that aspect of my life. Part of it was a stress thing, stress caused me to lose appetite and not want to eat. And a lot of it was a body image thing. I looked in the mirror and I didn't like what I saw. I knew all of these thoughts were not holy thoughts, they were not thoughts from God. They were thoughts that the enemy had placed in my head to attack me. My mind is a spiritual battleground, and I let the enemy get a foothold there. He whispered lies to me like "you're not good enough", "you're not pretty enough", "you would look better if you weighed less". He made me believe that my worth was in what I looked like, he made me believe that I could control what I was struggling with on my own, and even though I knew that wasn't true, I let my mind play those tricks on me.
God has been working a lot on my heart in this area. He's shown me that a lot of this struggle is rooted in selfishness and insecurity. It's something I'm still struggling with which is partially why it is so hard to talk about it now. I don't like others to see my failures. I've fallen into the trap of "I need to be perfect" too many times to count. But this is me being open, honest, and real. I don't want to put on a mask and pretend that everything is perfect. It's when we bring our darkness into the light of Christ, that He shows us the truth and that's when His healing power begins. As believers in Christ we need to share our burdens with each other, we need to be open and real, and we need to stop pretending like we have it all together because none of us do. We are all broken, we are all struggling with something, and when we hide our struggles we give the enemy more power! Bring those areas of darkness into the light of Christ, and watch those struggles lose power!
So this is to the person that may be struggling with what I've been struggling with for a while. If you are believing the lies that the enemy is saying about you, look to God's Word and find the truths that God says about you. If you're turning to food as a way to feel in control, then remember who is really in control. We need to release our vision and even our desire to control as much as possible. God is trustworthy, His promises are true, He is consistent, He doesn't make mistakes, and He already knows what's going to happen in your life. Let go of that urge to control everything around you and give that control back to the God who already has it.
If you are looking in the mirror and judging yourself based on your body, please remember what our bodies are for. They are a vessel! Yes, our bodies are wonderfully made, but they hold our souls, and they hold the Holy Spirit! Please remember that the most valuable thing about you is not what you see on the outside, but what you see on the inside. God has made us beautifully and wonderfully, and we are not just skin, muscle, and bone. We are a vessel and God is wanting to pour Himself into us! Instead of looking for a smaller stomach or skinnier legs, look for a kind heart and a joyful spirit! When you look in the mirror look for Jesus. In 1 Samuel it says "people look at the outside but the Lord looks at the heart". If the God of the universe says that your heart is more important than any physical attribute, then we know that is true! Perfection is not attainable, so we need to stop chasing it. Striving for perfection will only leave you disappointed because we are not capable of reaching it.
And last but not least, you are not a failure if you struggle with this. Jesus is not afraid of your sin, He understands, He is compassionate, and He forgives! Take this struggle and any other struggle to the feet of Jesus. He wants you to come to Him. And when you do, He will offer you comfort, forgiveness, and guidance through this! :)